Countdown to a Happier & Healthier ME!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Food - Necessity or Enemy?

Of course at the holidays, we all are faced with lots and lots of food. Every time you turn around, there's some type of party or gathering or celebration all involving lots of FOOD! At what point did food become such a necessity for social gatherings?

I guess this can be answered from delving into our history as humans on the planet; going back to the hunters and gatherers and enjoying a big feast with your fellow cavemen/cavewomen. But that's boring...well it is at least to me.

Seeing that I don't think any of us are solely able to change how social gatherings evolve, maybe a better question is how in the hell do you cope with all of the food without making a pig of yourself and totally screwing up all of the pounds you have lost?

For me, I guess I have to look at food as my enemy at these types of events. I need to see food as the "popular" girl in school that could -- and would -- take away your boyfriend at any minute. You have to acknowledge it's presence and you have to understand how it can take advantage of any and all of your vulnerabilities.

So no more hiding behind the buffet line; no more staying close to the hors d'oeuveres; no more wallowing in the sweets. If I'm going to survive these events, I'm going to have to survive on my own and am going to have to make sure all vulnerabilities are very well hidden....just not behind food any more. Not sure if I'm ready to be this "out in the open".......

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Just starting off.....

Wow, my first blog! Who knew? I guess a lot of things are changing in my life right now. Hopefully all for the better!

So let me introduce myself. I am a 38 year old, IT Project Manager; mother of one son, and girlfriend to the most amazing man in the world. I have always been overweight and can vividly remember shopping for HUSKY pants while I was in elementary school. Throughout my life I have been ridiculed, humiliated, and outcast because of how I look on the outside. Those that really and truly know me have always said how beautiful I am on the inside. Too bad the general public doesn't care too much for what you look like on the inside!

It wasn't until January of this year that I hit my all time low mentally regarding my weight. My boyfriend and I went on a cabin getaway and took a lot of pictures of our trip. The scenary was amazing and we had such a good time. When we got back from our trip, I was so excited to download the pictures and get them posted for all to see. While I was downloading the pictures, I came across a picture that my boyfriend had taken of me and for some reason, I finally SAW what everyone else was seeing. While I have looked at myself in the mirror every day all of my life, I had never truly seen the way people look at me -- until that very moment when I saw that horrible picture. Despite how despicable I felt like I looked in that picture, the nail that drove it all home for me was seeing the despair that was self evident on my face. Even though I have the man of my dreams with me and my heart is truly full, my face told another story. I needed to be able to have ME be happy with ME....

That's when I decided to make the change. It took 7 months to get the ball rolling; but I finally was able to get an appointment with a bariatric surgeon and start my new journey to a happier and healthier me!

I was banded on 09/11/09. My starting weight was 318. I am currently at 277. Not where I wanted to be by Christmas of this year, but much better than where I started!!

I definitely have more energy than I did before the surgery. I am able to do more and be more active than I was 41 pounds ago. I'm a LONG way from where I want to be but I can for once in my life actually SEE what I want and know that it is obtainable.

The purpose of this blogging site is to hopefully share my triumphs and challenges with others that I know either have or will have similar experiences.